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Articles. Essays on Life


You're Alright, Jack

JACK MONTALVO, THE APAR FANBy Tom Soter

The Ten-Minute Paper

Excerpted from DISAPPEARING ACT, available from AMAZONIf Mr. Riordan hadn’t pissed me off,I never would have met the professor.It started when I was in my last years in high school. I had been at St. Hilda’s and St. Hugh’s since kindergarten, and I was comfortably settled there. I had my friends, my girlfriend, and the teachers and classes that I enjoyed. I wasn’t thinking much about college.

Things that Go Bump in the Night

Excerpted from Tom Soter's new book BEDBUGS, BIONDI & MECurrently available from AMAZON

Faux Tarzan

Excerpted from Tom Soter's upcoming book DRIVING ME CRAZYWhat is one to make of Tarzan: The Lost Adventure? It has a terrible title (more a blurb than a proper name for a book) and was released in 1995 by Dark Horse Books with much fanfare: the cover has an illustration of Tarzan (looking a bit like the version in the Disney cartoon) crouching with a knife before a panther. The J. Allen St. John logo (from the ninth novel Tarzan and the Golden Lion in 1922) sits at the top of the art, with a little gold circle below it proclaiming, “First time in print! Burroughs’ final Tarzan novel.”[[wysiwyg_imageupload:1549:]]

Disappearing Act

 My father and mother would often tell the story of the day they lost my grandmother in Atlantic City. They were at a casino with  her and while they were gambling, the old woman wandered off. Minutes after she disappeared, they began a frantic search. When they couldn’t find her, they went to casino security with their problem. The man at the security desk was very sympathetic. He told them to follow him and took them to a room. He opened the door and revealed 25  little old ladies quietly sitting on chairs. “Is any one of these yours?” he asked with a sigh.[[wysiwyg_imageupload:1523:]]

The Grandmother Joke

 MEMORIES OF MY GREAT-UNCLE

Escalating in Oblivion

[[wysiwyg_imageupload:272:]]WARNING, WILL ROBINSON!            I guess the moral is you can never trust a salesperson.            It all started when I decided to upgrade some software on my computer. Roxio Toast, to be specific. I was checking out the prices and features, and talked on the phone to a saleswoman at Roxio who, after explaining the attractions of Roxio Toast 10 (I only had Roxio Toast 7!), added the clincher to the argument: “If you buy it from us, you can take  advantage of the free technical support we offer.”

From the Editor 26: Paranoia

 On People, Policy, and Paranoiafrom HABITAT, February 2011 [[wysiwyg_imageupload:269:height=267,width=200]]